Abdullah’s Secret Habit
Internal Communication Network Series pt.2
By Megan Wyatt
Abdullah has a secret that no one knows about. His secret has been with him for years, but has been buried by time as life has passed by. A few times a week he finds himself helplessly indulged in a bad habit that he can’t stop. He sits with himself in rage and anger every week as he struggles to understand why he can’t change, and why this ever started to begin with. Clenching his fists against his forehead he wonders why logic isn’t more powerful than the monster he has created inside. Why can’t he stop when this intense feeling comes…..
Many people are helplessly caged into patterns of behavior that they do not understand, they can’t stop, or control. Whether it is you or someone close to you that has ever fallen into a negative habit they can’t stop, you know how much time and energy is consumed.
What would life be like if you could discover why it started to begin with and make a permanent change?
Everyone in Abdullah’s community saw him as a leader, a model example of what a Muslim should be. He was active in always creating new programs and projects that brought benefit to the Ummah. The harder he worked the more he fought feelings of worthlessness and loneliness inside. It seemed no matter what he accomplished, nothing was enough to support him in changing or feeling good about himself. After the high of an activity died off, he was left with himself…
The strong emotions that Abdullah was after feeling when he indulged in his habit turned out to be love.
You might be thinking, “love?” Yes, love.
When it comes to negative habits, it can be tricky to determine why someone keeps it up, or how it started to begin with. What Abdullah learned when he worked with a coach was that he was triggered to sink when he was feeling insecure of himself and looking for a way to feel certain that he mattered.
Despite all of his community projects, he wondered if he was valued because he mattered or simply because his projects mattered. Abdullah was searching for self worth, and ultimately, to be truly loved.
After working with his coach, he uncovered that his secret was the root of the whole pattern. Something had happened to him when he was 11, and as a result of this, he felt shameful and bad. He never told anyone, so no one ever had the chance to assure him that this wasn’t his fault, and this would not and should not determine how he feels about himself.
As a result, he believed that he was at fault, and that he wasn’t truly a good person, and was not a person of true worth, or else nothing would have happened. From this moment, his life became an endless search to truly matter. To be truly loved.
When someone gains this kind of clarity, they break the strongest link in the chain that has been weighing them down. For the first time in perhaps their whole life, a person can find a real solution to a real problem.
What his coach will do in the coming weeks is show Abdullah how to find love and worth, first within himself, and second from others in ways that are healthy and productive. He will be challenging this old belief, and as a result within a few months time, he is going to be a radically different person.
But what if he never gave himself that opportunity? Or what if you never allow yourself the chance to be brutally honest with what you are after in your life, and instead stick to negative habits?
First of all, you will continue to live life being weighed down.
Second, you will consume time and energy searching after something you will never find in the places you are looking.
Third, your Akhirah is at stake because you continue to do things you know are wrong, and lose time that could be spent fisibilillah.
Fourth, as is the case with many people, you will hurt or lose people close to you in your life.
Behind every habit there is an emotion, a feeling that you are searching for. When you can tune in to your Internal Communication Network, you will be able to decode what it is you are really wanting.
Here are 3 things you must do in order to learn how to decode your message:
1) Revolutionize how you think! Learn how to discover for yourself over and over again what your real feelings and emotions are. You can do this by working with a coach who will support you in gaining clarity first on what you want to change, and then teaching you skills you can apply the rest of your life. This is the fast track to change and continue to grow in your life.
2) Focus on your “trigger” point. Just before you fall into the habit you want to change, sit quiet for 3-5 minutes, and ask yourself “what is it I really want right now?” And ask it again and again until you know with precision what you are really after. Log down your answer. (The next step would be to ask yourself “How else can I find this feeling?”)
3) Take Responsibility. To change means to end the blame game. No matter what happens, no one else is responsible for your life except you. If something happened in the past, it was a catalyst for where you are today. But today is yours. Take FULL responsibility for where you stand, and you will unleash strength and energy that will fuel your ability to change.
**In the story of Abdullah, you will notice we never discovered what his secret really is. When you work with a coach, you also do not need to disclose specifics about events in your life. The power of coaching is that with or without details, your coach can show you how to move ahead starting today.**
For more information on Muslim men struggling with” haram secrets” such as pornography addictions, please visit www.imancipate.com, with trainer Zeyad Ramadan.